Yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm fucking exhausted. This has been 8 straight weeks of non-stop shows, and I'm getting drained creatively, mentally and emotionally. For something that I've been convinced for years that I wanted to do this for a living, it sure is getting very trying to keep up with.
Too much money going in, not enough money coming out, I wish I could pick and choose the high dollar shows, but I don't really make enough money even at those....
Heavy thoughts on my mind recently. I need to rework my resume and start applying for other jobs. It'd be nice to just have a job that supports me entirely, and then just be able to do body painting when and if I feel like it. Right now, I have the body painting that fills in the blanks this job doesn't financially--which is a trial in itself. There's just not enough money in this town for me to do this fulltime, but pulling the part time on both jobs is...fucking intense.
You know, I've been thinking a lot about everyone moving. In a way, it's been a lovely thing--I've been rediscovering friends I had neglected in the past because I had this awesome core group of friends I hung out with all the time.
But the more I think about it, the more down I get. Because despite me getting to connect with these other wonderful people, I still miss our core group. The people I'm connecting with I've always kind of considered orbiting planets--and now that I'm hanging with these orbiting planets, it makes me miss our people even more. These planets have their own inside jokes, people they call first when they have an afternoon off, etc. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a little bit of an outsider.
Get it together Emily. I know it's all in my head and I've been trying to kind of abolish that kind of thinking, but it's tough.
But in all seriousness--why did so many of our group have to choose somewhere 20+ hours away? I could afford to do a weekend trip here and there to Chicago, or Minneapolis, or St. Louis. But California? New York? Oregon? That takes weeks of planning, a few months of saving, and the kickback is ROUGH. It's like being hungover after one of those trips--you get drunk off a city and seeing friends and then you get home to your dirty house, your halfway functioning car, the job you don't really care for and the lack of someone to really talk to about it that doesn't get offended because they feel like you are saying you're bummed because you're coming home to them (which is never the case. Ever).
I have a lot of friends who say that if it weren't for the weather, the job opportunities (lack thereof) etc., they'd be there forever. Because the people are that awesome. But people aren't enough to stick around--money makes the world go round, not love. I guess a lot of people don't understand why I come back--but the reasons I get exasperated when I come back are never the people I see, it's outside factors.
Well. I obviously needed to get that off my chest.
Here's some prettiness so that this blog entry isn't entirely too heavy.
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| cross your t's and dot your cube. My wall at work. |
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| Swimming with Joy the other day. The sky was gorgeous. |
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| Kittennnn. |
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| Some people might deem it creepy that I take pictures of my boyfriend sleeping every once awhile. But he just looks so damn cute, I can't help myself. |
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| Sweet lightbulb store in Portland that Allison and I walked by. |
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| Seester being beautiful. As usual. |
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| Awesome fringe boots I just purchased in Portland. I have amazing luck with shoe shopping in that city. I've been twice and have already brought back 4 pairs of shoes. |
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| Excellent point. |
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| Sending kissy pics to my love. Because that's what I do when I'm outta town. |
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| drive to Portland. Lord it was stunning. |
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| Viewpoint on the way to Portland. |
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| Travel buddy to the max. |
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| neat garage on one of our stops. |
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| Sarah and Alex. Such cute little buggers. |
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| Paint job for Flick. This was immediately before I left for Portland. Literally hours before--I was doing a paint gig. So hardcore. |
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| beetle at work. |
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| Words of wisdom at 80-35. |
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| mama and the bots at 80-35 in VIP! |
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| Me and the Robots on 2nd day 80-35! |
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| Lauren beauty bot for 80-35 2nd day. |
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| Grace, purple fairy, 80-35 first day! |
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| crew shot from first day 80-35 |
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| Billy, first day fairy for 80-35! |
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| Me and the Best on 4th of July. |
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| Fourth of July from the rooftop overlooking the city. |
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| lots of dots at Vanity and Glamour. |
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| Body by Svec buttons for sale for a dollar! |
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| Mama's dress matched the engagement party invite of Sara's |
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| little green fairy paint job. Utterly adorable. |
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| Space Luao? I'm in--with Silver pigment. |
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| wild slip and slide party I went to--the sign on the bathroom door. I took 13 jello shots--and then the night got real blurry. |
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| sky shots. Moon at sunset. |
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| I love pink skies. |
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| shoes I was selling for a dollar each. |
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| Body by Svec made an appearance at Slutwalk. |
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| yum. |
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| More Body by Svec buttons. |
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| funky purse I bought off of fab.com |
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| rainbow lips at Pride Parade. |
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| My pride outfit for day 2. |
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| pride pregame with drinking large scale jenga. |
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| Whada stud. |
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| Pride outfit, day one. |
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| Jenga SMASH. |
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| a little Jenga and wine in the afternoon. |
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| My get well soon present for Nicole before she gave her kidney to her dad. |
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| Me modeling for Dorothea's Closet--appeared on fab.com! |
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| Swimming with Geof always makes for the best midair pictures. |
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And that's all for now. That's it. The updating on my ever exciting, exasperating, exhausting life. I bid you ado.
May your day be filled with AC. Because seriously, it's fucking hot out there.
Em
